Monday, March 2, 2015
The 1st day I went back to my home town, I was feeling a bit lost, I don't know what to do during the free time, I was so get used to the city life and contact with hometown friend is very rare for me. I said OK, I give myself 2 days to adapt the culture here, I know my adapt skill and social skill are strong enough so it wont be a big deal for me, when I walked into a restaurant I met some friends but the pity thing was I have forgotten their name. Sometime I thought im still know my town very well but actually the data that I having was outdated & I tend to forget many details about my hometown. Perhaps we absorb too many new things & the untouched old memory will slowly fade away, what a shame.
East & west Malaysia are just like the channel. You have shifted to west channel but when I ask you to talk about east channel u will really stumble for a while. Sometime you may lose faith as well when everyone is walking out of this town but you insist to walk in. Many people are not coming back for the festival season but you still make it up for your hometown, you own believe must be very strong. You must have the courtesy to visit your relatives. The old memories that you had in that old house you may need to pay a visit or do a recap for that. Anyway I very miss the town which build me up, when the wind blow at me I know this town welcomes & misses a guy like me.
Growing up in Tawau is just like a bond, this bond cant be broken, It was a training ground. The bond will be fulfilled after 18 years. It used 18 years to build me up & we have our very private relationship with each other. Sometime you pass by your old house you will still remember the laughter that you used to have over there, sometime you pass by your old school you will still remember the crying sound in your head. In small town we will adore the creation of god like plants & the no ending big sky & sea, In city I will adore the engineering concrete work with nice designed building. City's sky wasn't that big because it blocked by the concrete jungle.
When I get on the plane. I lied my head on the tray table to get some sleep but the tears just wont give me a break, an air steward who looks like Pierce Brosnan came over and asked coffee or tea, I was very reluctant to answer him, I just glanced at him & said perhaps you can get me some KFC maybe it helps me to smile again that's what my dad did. He felt kind of weird why my eyes was filled with sadness. He started to ask me: Mr Ho. Are you ok? I said not really & I started my word with: I mean erm......we are forever a kid in our parents' heart I do agree about it, sometime you rather let your father drives you around rather than fighting to take control of the wheel, I think that's the way to give them the confident & maintain the role of father & son. They said grown man don't cry but I was really suddenly being turned into a kid by that scenario just now, my father leaved me at the boarding gate. Heart felt kind of heavy & I don't feel like saying a word. I didn't want to hug anyone but my father took the initiative to hug me and said take care my son. The scene was so similar to the old time when my dad sent me to school, I remembered that time I was still a small kid, when he sent me to class room I will quietly watch him walking away by looking at his back. The different now is im a grown man & my father is at his mid age. Although I still can see thru the glass window that he was talking down stair with friends, the distance was really so close yet so far.
Now I would take sometime to adapt to this city, sometime it will leave you with fear because too many competition here. The only thing I'm very sure is my hometown & my childhood makes me what I am today, the past had given me the best element to fight in this war & future, its not guarantee will succeed but just remember where u come from & what is the goal to be here before you bring the glories back home.